Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Feeding The Animal aka An Update On Me

I know it's been a while. Things here have been very stressful, and I haven't felt very social. The Animal reared its ugly head, and I'm struggling to regain emotional balance. About a month ago, give or take a few days, I decided to change from Paxil to Wellbutrin. There were side effects that I didn't realize I should attribute to Paxil, and blamed on just being a busy, penny pinching mom with the normal mom stresses of raising three children. Since beginning weaning off the Paxil, and subsequently going off of it completely and trying to build up and level off the Wellbutrin, I've been a wreck. I'm having more good days starting really this past week, but my temper is still short. I cry at the drop of a hate. I'm really not pleasant to be around lately, and wouldn't spend time with myself if I didn't have to. That's not a good feeling either.


I've also been trying to figure things out and make sure that Grace is getting what she needs from her school. She's still getting her IEP, and in October after her teachers and therapists have evaluated her, we'll have another PPT session to figure out what's next. She was just diagnosed with seizure disorder, based only partially on her EEG, and mostly on her symptoms and our family history. It's also likely that her few incidents with vertigo are the early stages of migraines, especially since she's complained about her head hurting at times and her behavior backs it up. She will press the top of her forehead and head into the floor or seat of a chair, with her legs tucked underneath herself, trying to ease the headache. My heart just hurts for her, being the one to have to endure all of these obstacles and challenges. Why her?


I've also been dealing with chronic pain since my shoulder injury back in early March. It's a compounded injury that's not responding to physical therapy. Tomorrow morning, I meet with my Orthopedic Specialist to "discuss other options." I've ruled out cortisone shots because a.) I'm scared of needles and try to avoid them at all costs and b.) the OS has said that the injury covers too much area, and the shots likely wouldn't even work. I'm not quite sure what's left. I'm scared of surgery, but will do it if it means my shoulder and (now) my back will feel better than at present. The OS does agree with me that much of my back pain and shoulder pain aside from the torn rotator cuff, messed up clavicle, not to mention my scapula, that "The Ladies" are causing much of the problem, and a breast reduction is one of the best things I could do for myself. Now, I've been losing weight slowly, and am down about 29-30 pounds from my starting weight. Some due to intent, but much of it due to stress and depression. Through this weight loss, The Ladies haven't gotten any smaller. No change at all. So we know that it's likely due to pregnancy and breastfeeding, not weight gain.


In other news of our Royal Family, I got myself another kitten. She's exactly the opposite of Luna, who is laid back, lazy, pitch black, and calm. Daisy is white with a gray spot on her head, with one blue eye and one green eye. She's the poster kitten for ADHD Cats. She's sweet and silly and loves to play, run, and tease Luna who tolerates her. Sure, a little added stress with one more mouth to feed and additional fights to break up, but I love my newly=expanded family.


Well, I feel a bit cleansed after venting here, which I should have remembered at my most stressed out. I feel like I just came home.


Anonymous said...

Glad to see you back Jess, I hope you beat that beast and start to feel like your new and improved self!

Midwayedancer said...

Hey It's Lisa (Isaac's mom). I am blogging on this site now. Glad you are back, but sorry things are so stressful and hard.

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♥J€§§¡¢a♫W€§§¡¢a♥™ said...

Thanks so much for the support. I am, in fact, being treated for anxiety and depression through therapy and medication with good results. I do see a psychiatrist regularly.

♥J€§§¡¢a♫W€§§¡¢a♥™ said...

Made a change to Klonopin and Wellbutrin, and it was the best change I could have made with my medications. More on that later.