Monday, March 17, 2008

Ladies, I Think I Hate “The Ladies”

I know a lot of you out there are pining away for larger ladies and a 'bump' up to a larger bra cup size. I know that some of you envy women with large breasts, and believe that if only your breasts were larger, your self-esteem would be better. I know that there are thousands of women who are certain that big knockers are every man's fantasy, and maybe their dating life would improve if their racks were fuller.

I am SO NOT one of those women. I miss my modest C cups.

They are heavy, and they hurt my back. They stretch out bras in record time, so instead of getting new bras only once or twice a year, you need to get new ones 4 or 5 times a year. The Ladies get in the way of practically everything. I even have to be careful when I'm at the computer. Yes, you read that correctly. If I'm not wearing my glasses, and I lean forward to read something on the screen, The Ladies will engulf the keyboard. And you know, it took me a couple of MONTHS to figure out why, sporadically, my computer screen was acting crazy flipping up and down??? I'm not kidding.

I have trouble crossing my arms. I have to wear larger shirts to accommodate The Ladies, which makes me look about 30 pounds heavier than I actually am. Sure, I'm heavy, but not as heavy as The Ladies would lead you to believe. And when I say they get in the way, I'm talking about having to finding cars that are spaced further apart so that I don't bump the side mirrors. I have to make sure chairs at the table are pushed in, especially the ones up against a wall, or risk severely bumping and bruising. I got a blood blister in Lady McRighty once because of a narrow almost-miss.

How did I get them, you ask, when you're so sure that genetics gipped you? And all I did was have three children. I nursed two of them. The rumor that The Ladies will return to normal after you stop nursing or "go flat" is hyped up, I'm afraid. Mine stayed. And I hate them.

I hate them. So I'm losing weight by watching my already good diet, and going to the gym. Since Thanksgiving I've lost 9 pounds, but none of them from The Ladies. Doesn't mean I'm giving up. But I'll tell ya something, if losing weight doesn't help, I am so on board with getting a reduction. If you want Large and Lovely Ladies, you can have 'em. But make sure you know what you're getting into. They're not all fun and games. The old cliche is true... Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. You might get it even if you DIDN'T wish for it!

Say hello to Double D's, Lady McRighty and Lady McLefty.

1 comment:

Megan said...

Ok, so I'm one of those women who went totally flat after nursing 3 kiddos...they're still DD's, but need to be pushed and molded and lifted to even get them to remotely resemble breasts.

I'm sorry yours are so bothersome for you too. I hope that some of the weight comes off where you want it to!