Santa And His Hoes

I would think that most of the Santa Loving World understands the difference between "Ho ho ho and meeeerrrry CHRISTMAS!" and "I need to hoe my garden" and "Damn you's a ho!" But no, sadly, that's not the case at all. Apparently, someone in Adelaide, Australia, simple common sense just isn't good enough, and he's afraid somehow that "ho ho ho" would be as offensive, as, what... calling someone a fucktard whore? Is this what the world is coming to? Even poor old Santa is getting censored from his innocent, bellowing "HO HO HO" because someone "might" feel offended? Even when " ho" isn't (it seems) used in Australia to refer to a promiscuous woman?

Maybe sexy elves shouldn't be allowed any longer either, because someone might call THEM a ho.

Actually, sexy mall elves could Take Back The "Ho," and make it a positive word again. That would be interesting... introducing yourself as a Holiday Ho rather than a Holiday Elf at the mall, when people bring their over-tired, over-hungry, candy cane stickied children for the obligatory phot with Santa Claus. "Go on, James, go with the Holiday Ho, she'll help you out." Then when James goes to school on Monday, he can talk about his trip to the mall and how he got to touch a real live Ho. Imagine the good that would ensue. Little Sarah comes home in fits of pride with "Mommy! I was called a HO today! How cool is that?" Much better, methinks, than coming home tears because somene insinuated that she's promiscuous. Ho would be a compliment and the old Slut definition of Ho would become obsolete.

Santa ho,ho,ho gets heave-ho (click here for full story)
November 11, 2007 12:15am

THERE'LL be no ho, ho, ho this Christmas. Aspiring Santas have been told not to use the term "ho" because it could be seen as derogatory to women.

Thirty trainees at a Santa course in Adelaide last month, held by recruitment company Westaff, were urged to replace the traditional festive greeting with "ha, ha, ha". Two Santa hopefuls reportedly left the course after the trainer's edict.

The term "ho" is also American slang for a prostitute. "We were told it (ho) was a derogatory term for females and can upset people," said the Santa, who did not want to be identified publicly.

Critics have branded the instruction for Santas to use "Ha! ha! ha! Merry Christmas" as nonsense and madness.

Westaff is the nation's largest supplier of Santa Clauses, providing more than 550 nationally. It has 60 on its books in South Australia. This year, it has won the lucrative contract to supply Santas at David Jones' Magic Cave in Rundle Mall.

Westaff national operations manager Glen Jansz said the company's Santas had been urged to "tone down" their use of the "ho, ho, ho" phrase – but he said it wasn't for fear of offending women. "The reason behind that is we find that in some cases the little kids can get a little bit scared of the deep ho, ho, hos and we ask them to be mindful of keeping their voices to a lower level," he said. "And kids are probably more inclined to understand `ha, ha, ha', than `ho, ho, ho'."

When Santa arrived at the Magic Cave after yesterday's Christmas Pageant, his only greeting to a crowd of hundreds of children was a wave and "Merry Christmas".

The `ho, ho, ho' edict came as Santa's working conditions were also revealed. The Sunday Mail has obtained a copy of Westaff's "Santa Project" Australian Workplace Agreement.

The 15-page document stipulates, in part, that Santa will:

He must also maintain character at all times so as "not to raise any questions or complaints" from customers. His uniform and accessories must always be presentable.