Dear Britney, We Have To Talk

Dear Britney,

I honestly hoped that our next heart-to-heart would be a good one. That it would be congratulatory. That the VMA's, after all of the hype of your "one time only performance" your career would be back on track and you could be proud of yourself.

Instead, we come to this, and I'm sorry, but I have to be blunt. Maybe I should just bullet my observations to make it easier.

• You looked scared, like a dear in the headlights, like you wanted to bolt and forget the whole idea. I immediately felt nervous for you.
• The come-hither-sex-me-up-now look thusly didn't work well.
• Instead, it seemed you took a few hits of something that tasted bad before you walked on stage.
• Your dance moves weren't sharp. Even if I never really liked your voice much, your moves were always pretty impressive.
• It seemed to be very difficult for you up there, like you couldn't control your body.
• Your energy seemed to be, I don't know... in the limo hanging on to your last joint?
• Lip synching? Really? Isn't that a bit... NKOTB?
• You looked so disinterested in even lip synching that you just gave up.
• The lip synching wasn't even convincing. You didn't even TRY.
• You looked thousands of times better than I ever would post-2-babies wearing a bikini costume, but honestly, you might have been better able to cover the flaws in the performance better in a spunky dress.
• It was nice to see a new pair of boots.
• Or maybe a pretty flowy gown, with a ballad, so that you wouldn't have to dance.
• I kept wondering if your heart was really in the performance, especially since you didn't even have to sing. Just dance.
• I also kept wondering if you were watching your dancers for clues, like you forgot what came next.
• The current extensions are an improvement, especially over the 'do you had when you forgot to wear your pants.
• Who did your make-up? Cuz I liked it. Smoky, tasteful, and not too overdone.
• You looked so relieved when the whole thing was over.
• It was nice to see you smile at the applause. Did you expect everyone to boo you? If yes, that makes me really sad.
• I'm hoping that at the time, you didn't notice the looks of shock and pity on your fellow musicians faces, with their half-hearted applause.
• I'm hoping even more that you didn't notice the dumbfounded "damn, that was re-fucking-tarded" expressions on most of the other fellow musicians faces, with their noticable lack of applause.
• I hope you watch the performance and feel something. Something that will motivate you to really truly and honestly clean up your life. Something your children can be proud of.
• I hope you brace yourself for the jokes that are sure to come, the criticism that I'm sure will be much more harsh than anything I've written here so far.
• I really do wish I could give you a hug and help you. You seem so lost.

[had to delete YouTube video, as it was removed]

BRITNEY'S PERFORMANCE ON MTV: http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1568788&vid=173440

ETA: I'm just speechless now. Oddly, I've come to feel more empathetic for her over the past year. I'm not a fan of her music, but I'm worried about HER as a woman and as a mother. I know I poke fun at her, but I try not to be cruel about it. And then... getting caught after the VMA's with her cooch hanging out. Again.

Sadly, it seems that Britney hasn't learned a damn thing. Either that, or whatever she's on is making her feel good enough to pretend that the Forgot Her Pants incident didn't really happen. Or she just didn't take the last infamous Coochie Shots incident seriously, which I also blogged about in a previous "Dear Britney" entry. After the VMA's, and that lackluster, sad performance, she got caught again (not a work safe link) with her panties missing. Again. I'm beginning to wonder if she doesn't think she's stuck in a nightmare and can do whatever she wants, not realizing that she is, in fact, awake.

ETA Again: Sarah Silverman? You're a bitch. 'Nuff said.