Monday, October 22, 2007

Very Bad Things To Do: Part I

Yes, I have a running list in my head of Very Bad Things To Do. Feel free to add to it.
  1. Sticking crap up the nose.
  2. Sticking crap in the ears.
  3. Drinking soda after eating ice cream.
  4. Forgetting to charge the cordless phone.
  5. Stubbing your toe.
  6. Cutting your nails too short.
  7. Biting your nails.
  8. Cutting your own hair.
  9. Losing your wedding ring.
  10. Lying to your spouse.
  11. Forgetting to fill the tank with gas before it gets too low in the car.
  12. Drinking coffee too close to bed time.
  13. Playing with fire.
  14. Walking on hot tar barefoot.
  15. Scorching your good pots and pans.
  16. Burning popcorn.
  17. Hitting your sister.
  18. Shoving your sister down a flight of stairs.
  19. Cutting your sister's hair.
  20. Not wiping after you poop, and then not telling Mommy.
  21. Washing a red sock in your whites.
  22. Putting dish soap in the dishwasher instead of dishwasher detergent.
  23. Forgetting to put black Sharpie markers away when kids live in the house.
  24. Dropping the digital camera.
  25. Coloring on the walls.
  26. Painting the walls using non-washable finish.
  27. Throwing glass objects.
  28. Forgetting to check the washing machine for tissues or toilet paper.
  29. Forgetting to check the washing machine for a diaper.
  30. Letting your bathtub drain get clogged enough to completely plug the tub.
  31. Not having a plunger in every bathroom.
  32. Forgetting diapers at home when out for the day.
  33. Losing the TV remote.
  34. Spitting food.
  35. Showing your sister the chewed up food in your mouth.
  36. Painting the wall with peanut butter.
  37. Playing with yourself in front of other people in public.
  38. Telling your spouse that she could stand to lose some weight.
  39. Not paying the bills.
  40. Eating onions.
  41. Not brushing your teeth.
  42. Not brushing your hair.
  43. Cussing at your mother.
  44. Wearing shorts that are 3 sizes too small.
  45. Opening the door to strangers.
  46. Escaping outside without putting clothes on first.
  47. Ripping pages in library books.
  48. Smoking.
  49. Disobeying your mommy and daddy.
  50. Killing someone.
  51. Throwing knives.
  52. Eating something you're allergic to.
  53. Waving your arms around at bees or wasps or hornets.
  54. Taking medicine without Mommy's permission.
  55. Poking big dogs with sticks.
  56. Hitting people in the eye.
  57. Not waiting your turn to talk.
  58. Hiding food under the couch.
  59. Leaving the door to the bathroom open when you're peeing.
  60. Disobeying your teacher at school.
  61. Forgetting to use the bathroom before leaving the house.
  62. Bouncing checks.
  63. Maxing out your credit cards.
  64. Forgetting to flush the toilet.
  65. Licking doorknobs.
  66. Playing with guns.
  67. Screaming in someone's ear.
  68. Running stop signs and stop lights.
  69. Stealing stuff.
  70. Dropping the F*Bomb.
  71. Drinking and driving.
  72. Standing someone up.
  73. RSVP'ing "yes" to a party and then not showing up.
  74. Cheating on your spouse.
  75. Cheating on a test.
  76. Plagiarizing.
  77. Drinking sour milk.
  78. Walking around in shoes that are too small.
  79. Embezzling money.
  80. Picking your nose and eating it.

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