For anyone who may follow my blog, you know that since I've started writing, it's been all about finding myself. Healing myself. Making myself into the woman I want to be, as well as acknowledging the woman I am. You know the struggles I've been through with my weight, my spirituality, my journey as a mother, as a wife, and my journey as a woman in general.
Last week, maybe a little longer, I posted a private blog on my MySpace profile. It addressed what I got hit with last week, and it was a lot, so for those of you that are curious, this is the gist of it.
Since Grace was born, I've been a full time SAHM. I'm the first to admit that I'm NOT the best housekeeper, and my husband knew this going into the marriage. I do my best, and fall short a lot of the time. Since I've been home, my husband has worked a full time day job and a part time night position for many reasons that are practical, as well as emotional. You can imagine that we don't see each other that often alone. There are always children around. If they're sleeping, we're tired. If he's home, we're running errands or he's doing something in another room or we're cleaning up or or or or or or or or or or. You get the idea.
So he comes home I think Thursday night, and informs me that he thinks we need marriage counseling, and that if I don't agree to go, then our marriage is over. We actually had a chance to get out and have dinner together when my best friend babysat for us for a couple of hours last Saturday night. We talked about what was bothering each of us, but mostly, I found myself having to defend myself. It's not that he wanted to change what was wrong with "us" but with what is wrong with "me." He really stuck his foot in it the next night when he felt he had to inform me that I'm not exactly as thin as I was when we got married. No shit, you butt munch, I've had 3 kids and I'm struggling with my weight! Did he really think I needed to have that pointed out to me???
Admittedly, that is the short form of what I blogged in the private blog. There's more, much much much more, but I'd really rather not get too much more detailed. It wouldn't be fair to my husband.
Well, this past Saturday, he got up with an attitude. Nothing I said or did was all right. He blew up at me for asking him why he didn't wait for me to pick up a birthday gift for a friend's child, and pointing out that we would probably be late for our marriage counseling session that day. He walked out on me. I found out later that he went to the appointment without me, so Tracy came down to take the girls to her house for the birthday party, and I ended up at the session late. If she hadn't come down to get the girls, I would've been stuck.
Anyway, I sat down and we just talked and talked and talked and virtually everything I've been trying to say for years was supported by Pastor Skip. By the way, you can't help but trust a counselor who is a pastor, and whose name is Skip. He really did help us a lot, just in one session, and while I needed time to think, I decided it was a great session. We'll probably go a couple more times. He has a couple of books for us to read, that we have to pick up. We're supposed to go out on a real date where we're not allowed to do anything but talk about fun stuff and do something fun.
So it was a success, that first session. We already are starting to feel lighter and more relaxed around each other again. We're both trying to use what we learned on Saturday, and what matters most is the efforts and recognizing those efforts. Appreciating those efforts. I feel good. WE feel good.
I love my husband.