Wednesday, January 17, 2007

No Celebrity Envy Here

OK I realize that I sort of hit-and-run on my last blog, the one about Angelina Jolie's comment about her children, without really talking about it. I had a toddler sleeping on my lap and couldn't type more than a few words at the time.

I feel like I need to expand my thoughts on it.

I don't think AJ is a "bad mom" because frankly, I don't know a single thing about her mothering skills other than photos that have gone around and her recent public statements. That's not enough to form an opinion of her mothering. I'm sure she loves all of her children whether they're adopted or biological. If the expression on AJ's face when photos taken of her with Shiloh (eek, what a horrid name for a girl) shortly after she was born are any indication, AJ is head-over-heels in love with her beautiful daughter.

But why the need to qualify it? Why the need to analyze feeling 'more' for any of her children? I also have three children, and I know that my love for each of them is different. I'm proud of different things in each of them. I relate to each of them differently. They each have different strengths and weaknesses. I love them all equally, relishing their differences. I could never say that I love one more than another. Only that my love for them is different, apart from the love I have as a mother.

That said...

I'm a bit, I don't know, disturbed. Mmm more concerned, than disturbed, maybe. Granted, she may just not be a "newborn loving" sort of person. I know that there are plenty of people who don't feel a strong connection until their babies start to show some personality but seriously... if she's describing that she "feels more" for her older children, for whatever reason, I'm thinking she may have PPD. Feeling disconnected from your newborn is a big sign of PPD.

She seems happy, but it also seems like a facade. Like she knows she should be happy, but isn't finding a lot of joy right now. Maybe I'm reading too much into her interview. She seems like she's on a quest for peace and happiness... and missing the mark. Like she's a woman searching for The One Thing That Will Make Her Happy and never really finding it, at least not for long. She's admitted that fame/celebrity isn't something she enjoys. She works as an actress in movies, yet doesn't think that playing a part is something to be praised. She never says if the process of acting gives her any enjoyment. How many times has she been married? How many times has she been a bad girl and French kissed her brother at an award show? It's commendable to adopt children in need, of course, but there's a vibe of "trying on motherhood" for size. There's a definite feeling of "I didn't get pregnant on PURPOSE, it just sort of happened" attitude in regards to Shiloh. And I suppose I can say "at least she's not jumping into marriage with Brad," especially since adopting children with another man didn't help her to settle down. Oh my, that does sound obnoxious and judgemental of me, doesn't it? The more I read about her personal life, the more it seems like everything is falling short of her expectations.

When all is said and done, what matters most now is that her children are well taken care of and grow up to be good people. I hope that AJ finds her bliss and realizes that she has what millions of women want and are: to be a mother, partnered with a good father, with children who need her.

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