Thursday, December 07, 2006

Dear Britney

Dear Brit,
a night out with Paris may be a mom who wishes she weren't a mom and single again may be a moment of fun in a stressed out life, but a picture is forever. If the intent in letting your boobs hang out of a skimpy dress and flashing The Cootch in public is somehow a dig at K-Fed-ex in an exclamation of "Looit whut u can't touch no more, dude! You ain't never hittin' THIS again, y'all!" well... I'm thinking that it's not working. Remember that when your darling boys are grown and searching the internet for porn with their dad, K-Fed-ex is very likely to show them your VaJayJay pictures. BTW, those pics aren't going to do you any good in court, Sweets. Especially not pics taken two nights in a row of said VaJayJay. With Paris. And Lindsay. Lindsay, who is apparently rebelling against her rehab.

I suppose you can blame your fans for not noticing the cries for help sooner. Shall I count the ways?
  1. Your brief Vegas marriage.
  2. Toxic.
  3. Cheating on/Breaking up with Justin.
  4. That movie you made, I can't even remember the name.
  5. Marrying K-Fed to begin with.
  6. Continuing to sleep with K-Fed even in the midst of publicity about his affairs, laziness, and spending of the Brit Fortune.
  7. Supporting his "music."
  8. Ditching your stylist and doing your own hair and picking out your own clothes.
  9. Publicly allowing yourself to be caught on the road with your infant son in your lap while driving.
  10. Publicly allowing yourself to be caught on the road with your infant son in his car seat, but not strapped in correctly.
  11. Continuing to sleep with K-Fed and getting preggers without birth control, thusly getting pregnant when you didn't inten to after darling Sean was born.
  12. Your maternity "wardrobe."

In closing, have fun but keep your clothes on and talk to someone. Like a counselor.

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