Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Continuing On My Spiritual Journey

If you've never questioned your religion or your spiritual path, I highly recommend doing so. Force yourself to explain what you believe, and then justify it. I began putting my journey into words in one of my past blogs, Taking Stock In Spirit.

There's nothing so cathartic as being forced to justify and defend your belief system no matter what it is, so as to fine tune and clarify your own thoughts, needs, and possibly even set you on a slightly variant path or even a completely different one. When you look into yourself, and examine your own spirituality, whether you're atheist or Catholic or Buddhist or Pagan or Protestant or Jewish, you should come out of it feeling uncomfortable with yourself. But each time you go into yourself, that discomfort should slowly go away as you get closer to realizing what your true path should be.

I think part of why I've been so discontent with myself and uncomfortable with myself as I am is because I HAVE been questioning and trying to figure out what path I'm supposed to be on. I still disagree with much of what organized religion aka that which is dictated by man and not God, but I've decided that I'm not ready to convert to something other than Catholicism. I still believe in the concepts of Christianity, that God is one and all paths lead back to Him. I believe Jesus died for us. I believe in the power of His Saints. I find aspects of other religions to be invaluable as well, but I think I still value the power of the Christian mass, the utter simplicity of the sacrifice embodied by receiving Communion, and the strength of prayer.

Juliana started CCD classes a few weeks ago, and this past week was the first time I didn't drop her off myself, and then take her directly to mass. I was too sick, so the DH took her and stayed to watch the class, then came straight home. I was surprised at how "off" I felt by not attending mass and receiving Communion. I had been away from Mass since I started questioning my path, so it's been several months. Since Samantha's baptism, I think, so February maybe? March? And it had been a year before that. But after all that time away from the Church and it's influences, after taking so much time to tweak my own beliefs and feelings, going to mass willingly 2 weeks in a row with my daughter made me miss it. I still roll my eyes at the "you must _____" aspect of it, because I think the only RULES YOU MUST FOLLOW are the Ten Commandments, handed directly to Moses from God. I still find it hard to believe that while God very well may speak to priests and even the Pope, He wouldn't continue to expect us to believe that one Pope contradicting another Pope is somehow, well, "right." Those contradictions are part of what I have a problem with. I do think the Pope is Holy, but I still believe that he's fallible. That the Cardinals who vote him in are fallible, and who even knows if they're voting in the one who's "supposed" to be Pope? How many times has God said to Himself "DAMNIT! I said SIMON, not that shmuck Andrew!"

I firmly believe God intercedes when he must, whether it's a major event like the whole Moses shmeal, or little miracles such as guiding doctors to diagnoses and cures for premature babies and sick children and people in need. I'm all for seeing God in minor miracles. I believe in Evolution but you can't convince me that God didn't have a hand in that. I believe God guides science and medicine, and still don't see why people think those beliefs have to be mutually exclusive. Why some people think that belief in God or any other Higher Power means someone is weak and mindelss, that we can't think for ourselves. That we're not truly Free Thinkers.

If that's true, then the majority of the world's population, living or dead, is weak.

I'm still struggling with my path, but I'm getting closer and better able to read the road signs. I'm just off the beaten path right now, and resting in a secluded rest stop. Here's another cool test, which while not as detailed as the other one I posted, it's still fun to take and see at a glance where your beliefs seem to lie.



You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian.

Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins.

Christianity

88%

Buddhism

67%

Hinduism

50%

Judaism

46%

Islam

42%

Paganism

33%

agnosticism

29%

Satanism

29%

atheism

13%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

These lyrics have been running through my head since my journey began, so I need to share them and include them here today. I also put the song on my MySpace Page.

"Love's Divine"
Seal
Then the rainstorm came, over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my, belief you see
And realized my mistake
But time threw a prayer, to me
And all around me became still

I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
I had found all of my reality
I realize what it takes

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bet (don't bend), don't break (don't break)
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Well I try to say there's nothing wrong
But inside I felt me lying all along
But the message here was plain to see
Believe me

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name
Oh I, don't bet (don't bend), don't break (don't break)
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name
Love can help me know my name.

2 comments:

Jessica (Kharizzmatik) said...

Im iffy about that quiz... It ranked satanism as #3 for me with 79% but I don't believe in the existance of Satan or evil *shrugs*

I believe spiritual journeys are great... even if you only decide in the end to go back to what you always knew. It's always great to explore and question things because even if it doesn't open up a new path for you, it will at least reaffirm your belief and hopefully reawake the spirituality within you, ya know? :)

Anonymous said...

Hey Jess, the thing about Satanism is that, from what I understand, it's not a "satan worship" kind of religion. They just see themselves as diety...that every human is in charge of their own destiny and can basically do whatever they want. I don't think they have the same kind of rule as we do about not harming anyone though. Anyway, yeah, from what I've seen it's not necessarily "evil" or belief in "satan"...but I could be wrong! Time to Google, lol.

~Megan