Monday, May 15, 2006

Happy Damn Mother's Day, Jerk

I know this is going to sound petty, and I'm going to sound selfish and mean and like a total, complete bitch but I don't care. I don't. It's my blog, and I don't have to be polite and well-mannered and PC here. If it bothers me, then it does. So there.

Juliana made me a necklace and a painting and a card in school, but only because they were class assignments. I treasure them, because she made them and worked hard on them. She must have said with pride "Happy Mother's Day Mommy! I love you so much!" about 9 dozen times, unsolicited. She was just so proud that I'm her Mommy and she took such pleasure in telling me how much she loved me and she THANKED me for being a good Mommy. Grace and Anneliese don't know what the day means, but they did give me plenty of hugs.

But Manny? He didn't even SAY "Happy Mother's Day" until I pointed it out to him that he didn't say it. And his excuse? "I was tired." WHAT? Not even a card, homemade or otherwise. His excuse? "I was too busy." He was too busy for the ENTIRE preceding month or 12? Whatever. He did pick up breakfast from Dunkin Donuts but only because I asked. Then later that night he says "Well I did have a gift idea in mind, it was a really cool idea." So I suppose in this case it really was just "the thought that counts."

He did NOTHING special for me. It was just another day. No "Thank you for taking care of the kids 24/7 while I work out of the house and hardly see you." No "Thanks for being a good mother to my children." No "You're a great mom and I love you." NOTHING. He didn't even make sure that he was the one watching the girls during dinner at my mother's house, so I got cold food and had to eat alone because everyone had finished since I was too busy with the girls to eat during dinner time. No pampering, no thank you's, no recognition, no help. Just another day where he expected me to handle everything. Just an excuse of being too busy and "an idea he had." He didn't even tell me what the idea was! Jerk.

I'm still angry and upset with him for not even acknowledging it yet making it a POINT to visit his mother and older sister for a special Mother's Day visit. Yes, that's right. Now, he used finances as an excuse not to get our mother's something, but he DID say Happy Mother's Day to my mother, my grandmother, his mother and his sisters. Unsolicited and with all the love he could muster. Yes, I'm serious.

So go ahead and tell me that I'm being selfish and petty, I can handle it. I know I'm not but I do know that some people just brush this holiday off and being created by the gift card companies to make a buck. I don't care. One more buck to them means someone thought of me and thought I was worthwhile enough to acknowledge.

ETA: I should mention here that my mom made sure "the girls" got me some pretty smelling lotion from Avon, Chamomile & Lavender scented. My Mom got me a cute hand bag set. I wasn't expecting ANYTHING from her, so it was a nice surprise. I love my Mom and not just because she buys me stuff. She thought of me, and thinks I'm a good mom. I learned from her.


Mandy said...

I think any mom would be upset! (((HUGS))) I don't think this makes you selfish or petty. I hope you have a better week!

Megan said...

I'm sorry :( You deserve better than that. My mother's day sucked ass too.

kharizzmatik (Jessica) said...

You aren't being selfish or petty... it's called Mother's Day for a reason! Thats really horrible that he didnt do anything for you or say anything to you. He should be pampering you and thanking you every single day for the awesome work you do with your children, but he can't even manage to do it the one freakin day of the year designated for it? That's crappy.

I didn't get any recognition at all yesterday either, I did all of the cooking and cleaning and twice the amount of work than a normal day just so my own mom could get a break. SD called so I thought I was gonna get a "happy mothers day, thanks for raising my child" but unfortunately he wanted money instead. what-ever.

~Toby~ said...

Selfish, mean, petty AND a bitch? Yeah right Jessica. I don't think so!!! In all that we do to run the house, raise our beautiful children, take care of our men, I think it is the ABSOLUTE LITTLEST AMOUNT THEY COULD DO!!!!!!

Know what peeves me? "They" set aside one day to honor mom's and motherhood so it's not like we are asking for praise and thanks and a little gratitude every day or week or month! One day and it could be oh-so-simple!!! You're right - JERK.

Know that you have a group of mom's who "know" and appreciate other mothers that take the time to raise their precious kids! Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

I would expect that if you were new parents and this was your first Mother's Day -- but he's this far into the parenting game and doesn't understand that we just want to hear a sincere "thank you for raising my children" on MD?

My dh did the same thing to me on our first Mother's Day, but he never repeated that mistake again. Like you, I was furious at the lack of appreciation.

I will say that maybe there's some underlying resentment that you both need to deal with. Maybe he has been working incredibly hard and your fury is only making him feel even more unappreciated.

See if there's any kind of face-saving gesture you can give. What, for example, would make you feel better at this point? Tell him exactly what you want and don't expect him to read your mind.

You aren't wrong, but let's look at the bigger picture here and try to find a way to get peace on earth again.

~Jessica~ said...

Ahhhh now see, that's the thing... from past years, he knows that this type of thing upsets me and makes me feel underappreciated. He didn't acknowledge my 1st Mother's Day because I was "just pregnant." He only did anything the last 2 MD's because last year he chose a lovely Family Ring, and the year before, well, let's just say he ran out to the store on MD. This year, he seems to think that just because he acknowledged it last year on his own with a nice piece of jewelry that he doesn't have to do anything again EVER. Same for my birthday. He thinks that since he threw a big surprise 30th birthday party for me year and a half ago, that he doesn't have to acknowledge my birthday again either. We do so much for each other and for the family, and I make sure to show him how much I appreciate it with small gestures as well as a grande gesture occasionally too. We did talk about this, and I let him know how I feel, but I can't do that every year and I do think that history should have taught him SOMETHING.

Ingi said...

You are not being selfish or petty at all. I think that is why Father's Day comes AFTER Mother's Day ~ do unto others. My husband does tell me that I am not his mom, so that is why he doesn't do anything for me for Mother's Day.

TigMode said...

To paraphrase Tammy Wynette, he can't help it, after all he's just a man.

My mother's day was wasn't my husband who crapped on me but my PARENTS. Ugh.

From my blog.....

"This weekend was full of highs and lows for me. I was so bummed that Dave was out of town on business and was going to miss the bulk of Mother's Day. That said, I spent a nice weekend with just my kids and despite contemplating strangling Johnny once or twice due to his excessive 2 year old "exuberance", I did a lot of laughing at and with both of them.

When they realized Dave was going to be gone for the weekend, my parents invited me and the kids out to dinner at a new Mexican place near my house. I asked what time they had in mind because I have a 2 year old and a 6 month old whose schedules I follow pretty strictly. They thrive in their routine, and both my children need to eat when they need to eat and sleep is huge for both of them. They told me about 6:30. I hemmed and hawed and said 6:30 was okay. Johnny is normally done with dinner at 6:30 and sound asleep by 8:15. Ditto for Reagan who tends to have her last bottle and some jarred food at 6:30, sound asleep at 7 pm.

I figured I could give Johnny a good snack at around 4:30, smething like some cheese and crackers or something to tide him over til we ate dinner. It's a new restaurant, packed every night and I could only assume that "be there at 6:30" meant no seating til at least 7, no actual food til at least 7:30. It was REALLY pushing the boundary but I was excited to be getting out.

At 2:30 on Saturday my phone rings and it's my dad calling to let me know that my brother (around whom the planets revolve) and his fiancee can't make it there until later so now we are meeting at 7:30. I told him that meant we couldn't go. I actually got the "It's not that much of a difference in time" speech. Um, hello, obviously you have forgotten what having 2 little kids means. I was not about to pack up 2 little people who should be sleeping and drag them out to a restaurant. I was also not willing to set Johnny up for failure by putting him into a situation where he'd be hungry and tired and grumpy but expected to behave long after his bedtime.

Upshot......we stayed in and I made quesadillas for us and was annoyed and disappointed. While I don't expect the world to come to a halt because of Reagan and Johnny I think it's retarded to ask us to dinner but make it at a stupid time. Gah.

Mother's Day got good when Dave's flight landed and he came home. I got a whole bag full of random goodies from Crate & Barrel. I am married to a man who understands that I love kitchen gadgetry and thingamajigs and finds me things like tea bag squishers and cherry pitters and other fun things. My Hello!Kitty card from the kids was awesome."

~Jessica~ said...

Ingi, that sucks. :-( You're not HIS mom but you're mother to HIS child. That should mean something.

Grace, I'm so sorry you had such a bad weekend too. It was a different kind of suckiness, but I should be grateful that I wasn't alone with the children all weekend. Thank you for your post. {{{HUG}}}