Monday, February 13, 2006

Checking In

We just got snowed in over the weekend. It's pretty but please, Spring, come quickly! I'm itching to get out and get walking but it's been sooooooooooo cold lately! I need to get out and walk but I can only do it with the kids, but if it's going to be 19ยบ all the time, I don't feel good taking them out in that.

I have a meeting with Juliana's teachers, head of the kindergarten program, and school psychologist. Oh yeah, and the school social worker. She's had some issues since the beginning of the school year with her attention span, her stubborness, and her unwillingness to "bend." She seems to think that rules don't apply to her and when the teacher asks her to finish her work or do a specific task, she does things her own way. She's so smart but refuses to "tow the line." That'll get her far in life but not in school. So we're meeting with her teachers to see what we can do to get her to do better. She's great socially, she's smart as anything... but she thinks she's right 100% of the time. If she doesn't want to do something, she won't. She'll either argue her point or ignore you completely. If she's not interested, good luck in getting her to do what you need her to do. So wednesday, while I sit with the teachers, Grace and Anneliese will be with the preschool director playing and having fun. I hope they do all right, it'll be their first time staying with someone who is not family or a close friend. I'm a little nervous about it.

I'm trying to figure out how I feel about this, because I feel like I'm failing her or failing to figure her out. I know she does well in general at school, and her teacher praises her intelligence and makes sure to tell me what she's doing well. But this is a big deal and I'm not sure if it's because this teacher just isn't tailoring the day the way Juliana needs, and another teacher would be more "fun" or if Juliana is just, well, stubborn. I posted about an issue a while back, and this whole thing is the follow up for figuring out what to do. HELP!

I'm adding this to today's post because I had to post this last night on my birth club I was so upset. I don't feel like retyping it all, so I'm C/P:

2/12/2006 Sunday:
OK I'll be upfront & admit I had a bit of a meltdown. I've been stuck in the house since last weekend if you don't count taking Anneliese & Grace for Anneliese's 12-mos check-up Monday, my haircut & running groceries yesterday. Then last night this darned blizzard, keeping us from going to MIL's to visit with DH's sisters & our nieces & nephew.

Point being, Mommy has been with the kids NONSTOP all week, including night-time issues where Grace slept next to me. Manny shoveled today, so I got no "help" with the kids. Understandable. I'm fine with that. He took a shower, then decided to take his 2nd nap of the day. OK, fine. I took my shower after he did all this stuff, but while he was eating and he was annoyed. Mmmm hmmm. OK, fine, be grumpy, I get why. He's up for his nap, and I decide to try to pee alone. I get 3 kids banging on the door, screaming for me to get out as if I abandoned them.I come out, I try to watch a little non-cartoon TV. I get 2 kids whining about not watching kid shows. Fine, I put on kid music.Then I put on some soothing music (I love Tim Janis) but Juliana decides to blast her kid music on her CD player. FINE.

I shut my music off, and decide to try to zone out playing solitaire while the kids dance like fools . Suddenly I have 2 fighting, screaming kids in one ear and Anneliese screeching in the other. Non stop noise. I could feel my hands getting all sensitive and the noise became overwhelming so I yelled "STOP! PLEASE STOP! I NEED SOME PEACE!" And Juliana decides to crowd me. Anneliese is hanging on my leg, Grace is crying over imagining monkeys flying out of her butt and I got up, went into the kitchen as they all follow me, and I shout "STOP! I'm walking away so I don't hurt anyone!"

Manny comes down, and keep in mind he knows I go to a shrink for PPD, OCD and anxiety issues. He glares at me and says "WTH is the screaming about? Can't you control yourself or these kids? And you want more kids, you can't even handle the ones you have!"WHAT did he say? Oh I was soooooooo pissed and I'm still pissed. I laid into him and he actually thinks that running errands and a quick haircut count as a break. And that he "let" me sleep in yesterday, so THAT counts as a break. Right. Sorry, I'm just really trying to come down from this anxiety attack and I took 2 of my anxiety pills plus my Paxil from this morning and I just want to find a padded room with a good book. MEN!!!

ETA: 2/12/2006 Sunday Night, later on:

I was so afraid to post this because Manny really does a lot for us but he seems to have little compassion or understanding for what I do. He takes for granted that he can get out to work every day and have adult interaction, and he travels for his job. He does so much for us and he gets to vent about his job and feelings but God forbid I do the same. It was just such a low blow what he said and trust me, I ripped him a new arse hole.

Musta gotten through to him because he's on our bed sleeping with ALL THREE of the girls snuggled with him. I'm going to go get the camera and take a picture right after I take one more anxiety pill ;-)

I should say that today, I talked to him about how much he really offended me and hurt me, and he did apologize. I'll believe he means it if he remembers not to say shit like that any more. MEN!!!


JackieO. said...

Hi, there! I just forwarded along to a few blogs after checking in on a friend and happened along your blog - weird, eh?

Anyway, I am a devoted mom as well, and could relate to the entry about your daughter. Normally, I wouldn't comment on a stranger's blog... but, you DID conclude the entry with, "Help!" :)

I think the amount of self-control kids exercise around alternate authorities (meaning those other than their parents) generally relates to the amount required by parents. Sometimes in an effort to create an envirnoment at home that is happy and comfortable for the kids (& parents), we eliminate too many opportunities for the kinds of conflict that teach kids about the need to do things in ways that are sensitive to the needs of others. I was thinking that your daughter might get used to sacrificing her way of doing things if you work together with her on doing so at home first. My guess is, she will be much more likely to "give in" for her sweet sissy, funny dad, or tender mom, than some teacher who's always telling her what to do. At least it's a first step.

If you can find one opportunity each day for your daughter to compromise "her way" as an act of love at home, she may become more willing to do so at school.

Another option, is to design a fair and consistent punishment when disobeying teachers. Although some people don't find obedience to authority such a big deal at the 7-and-under age range, my experience has been that kids with loving, intelligent parents (like you seem to be) need an extra portion of boundary enforcement (aka discipline) to balance out all of the confidence and wisdom they are getting. You're right, it IS a big deal if our kids aren't willing to obey certain rules.

Maybe she has a favorite movie or snack that she won't be allowed to have on days the teacher notes stubborness or disobedience. I mean, can't we teach our kids to question authority while still requiring them to obey rules like never running into the street, being quiet while the teacher is talking, never touching the stove-top, etc???

Well, that's my two-cents of "help", hope it helps! :)

Jennifer said...

Jess-OMG, I SO understand what you're talking about w/ the kids being all up in your butt, and Manny not trying to help. Tim thinks he's doing me SUCH a favor by "letting" me take a nap. Wow.
And right now, going grocery shopping IS getting a break from the kids! LOL. How sad is that.
Oh, and w/ Tim gone, Hannah and Matthew have been up my butt 24/7 it seems. UGH! Anyway, I know what you're going thru (and yes, even tho I scream at my kids once in a while to leave me the hell alone, I too, want more-crazy, huh?), and I'm here if you need to talk (via comp., or phone!). :)