Thursday, September 15, 2005

A Little Stress Can Go A Long Way

And I thought I had my stress under control.

Since I started therapy and taking Paxil, I absolutely feel a change for the better. I have my emotions under better control, I don't lose my temper nearly as often, and I feel my patience returning. Juliana's behavior has improved, and Manny and I don't fight any more so I KNOW there are noticable changes in myself. I know that the changes are for the better. Grace's behavior has improved too... mostly. I'm so not used to her being like this! She's my gentle Frou Frou, the quiet, shy sweet one. She's the one who has that cherub look, and has always BEEN a cherub, KWIM? But Grace is just still so totally submerged in toddlerhood and Terrible Two's that she's stuck some days and can't control herself and get out of it. The thing is that until she turned 2 y/o she was very calm and quiet and laid back, much like Anneliese. But last summer we moved, then put her in a toddler bed before she was ready. Then 2 months before Anneliese was born we took away her pacifier. When Juliana started pre-school a year ago it just devastated Grace. She's dealing well with Juliana going to Kindergarten but it's still difficult for her. And of course Anneliese was born. Grace is taking control (or trying to) by this behavior and also by potty training herself. She really is a sweet, precious little girl and most times she's NOT like this. My psychiatrist, who is also her child psychiatrist, says that she's perfectly normal and that she'd be worried if with all the changes in the past year, Grace weren't acting out. It's good to know it's normal but sheesh... handful doesn't describe it some days! I'm a strict mom, but like to think I'm a GOOD mom... so how did I end up with a child that other people are happy they don't have her??? I really truly feel as if somehow, I'm failing her. I refuse to call it Middle Child Syndrome just because she's the middle child. Juliana had her moments as a toddler too but no one had a special name for it other than Terrible Twos or Totally Horrendous Threes... because she's the oldest. So why is it when a middle child does the same things that the older children did, it's a syndrome?

There was an episode that we'll just call "The Incident" a few days ago. Here's what happened. I made biter biscuits for Anneliese. The whole time, Grace was trying to eat the dough and made off with a few good chunks. I let her have the beaters and the bowl when I was done but that didn't help much.Juliana was using the toilet, so of course Gracie, PT'ing herself lately, decided to follow suit. She even wipes herself but when she's done, she takes a roll of toilet paper and clogs the toilet. No idea where the plunger is. She likes to hide it. She then took a bar of soap and drew on my hardwood floors with it. It was wet since Juliana washed her hands after using the toilet. Thank goodness for the Hoover Floor Mate. As I was cleaning that mess us, she's grabbed the measuring cup I used with flour and sprinkled it all over the kitchen floor. Vroom vroom goes the vacuum. As I'm cleaning THAT mess up, she finds her little Spongebob figure and introducing him to her Hoo Ha. I told her that wasn't very nice, and wouldn't she like to put her underwear back on and show Spongebob how to take a bath and then play with Barbie? Apparently she disagreed and continued, so I took Spongebob away. That peeved her off so she took my cookbooks, pocketbook and diaper bag and shoved them all off the kitchen table onto the floor. She took out a box of shoes I plan to donate and emptied it all over the floor. She's a screaming raving little lunatic at this point, angry with me for cleaning up and apparently she didn't pee as much as I thought she did in the toilet because in her rage, she peed on my floor. She should have been completely exhausted but I'm the one who threw out my back and needed to rest LOL.

I just got off the phone with my mom and just found out that NO ONE on her side of the family bothers to tell me anything LOL. My Uncle Larry, who is my mom's oldest brother, is living with my cousin Liam and his wife Tracy. He couldn't afford renting his house any more, and has been depressed because he recently lost custody of his 13 y/o DS, Erich, to his crazy nutjob lunatic 3rd X-DW, Kathy. To make matters worse, he just had a small stroke (how do you have a 'small' stroke???) and was in the hospital for 4 days but didn't tell anyone because he didn't want visitors & didn't think it was a big deal. He's still recovering. I know how serious strokes are, having recently dealt with my FIL recovering from a stroke. This just scares the pants off me. If I remember correctly, my mother's father died from a stroke in the grocery store the same day I mailed out my wedding invitations on 2/14/1998. Not that it matters, I guess, except that there's a family history.

My cousin Stephanie is due with her 2nd little girl Sunday. Steph, who isn't even 100 lbs soaking wet, delivered her 1st DD 11 weeks early (1.5 lbs) so this is a big deal that she's still pregnant. However, they're inducing her on Sunday because neither the baby nor Steph's belly have grown in 3 weeks. The baby is "stuck" at around 5.5 lbs so they just want the baby out and are worried for her. Thankfully, her loser DH is going to school to be a surgical nurse and is actually acing all of his classes so that's something. And I guess they've been happy even though they lost their apartment and are living with his mother. But I'm worried about the baby.

My mom hasn't been feeling well either, I guess. She had blood clots last summer and I swear she's been complaining of the same feelings as before but she says it's not a blood clot. She's been undergoing lots of tests to figure out what's wrong. She's been having a lot of digestive issues as well. But after all this they can only tell her what's NOT wrong. She still doesn't know what's making her feel like dookie.

I just needed to get that out there. And now I have to go finish getting the house ready for Juliana's 5th b-day party for this Saturday. I cleaned the carpets yesterday, and mostly cleaned the upholstery in the dining room chairs but I need to do 2 of the chairs again today. I also need to clean the couch arms. And finish painting the other half of the play room. I feel better for venting.

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