Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Phew... Glad That's Over

I had my 1st appointment with my new psychiatrist today. While I'm relieved that it's over, I'm sitting here thinking "Man why the hell didn't I do this long ago?" For anyone who knows me, I can admit that I have some, ah, control issues. I try to be laid back but man, when I'm stressed I'm the Anxiety Queen in a house of princesses. I guess when I'm in the throes of PPD it all just, well, hangs out just like toilet paper that's sticking out from under the hideous bridesmaid dress you didn't want to wear in the first place. You know what I'm talking about and if you don't, you will if you're ever in a wedding not your own.

I have general anxiety disorder. I have PPD and additional signs of depression. I have some OCD but if you know me then you didn't need me to tell you THAT. Thankfully I'm not socially inept, and I'm not agoraphobic. She felt it was important to tell me that specifically. Now, I can be a PITA and be a houseplant when the mood suits, but I kinda knew that already LOL. She felt it was important to know that I have an insane fear of spiders and moths and heights. I also have a fear of being dizzy. I used to have anorexia which might be trying to put in an appearance. I'm not only to stay on the Paxil but I'm supposed to up my dosage to 20 mg to deal with the anxiety more effectively and then discuss increasing it to 30 mg. Not sure I'm keen on that, but we'll see. It's been a week on the Paxil and I'm seeing an improvement. It's helping me stay even and not lose my temper quite so quickly. My energy levels are starting to come back. I'm still having trouble focusing unless I'm typing or doing a task... I'm still indecisive and distracted unless I force myself to really concentrate. I didn't expect a quick fix, so hopefully taking it slowly and being aware of myself will make me a better person and not have it be just a "cosmetic" change.

I already really like my dr. Her receptionist must be some sort of saint because the woman asked me to bring my kids with me. Apparently, when someone needs help as much as I do, they don't want the excuse "But I can't find anyone to watch the kids" be an excuse to not follow through. So Nadia is also a childcare provider during appointments for moms with kids and swears she's looking forward to watching ALL THREE princesses at my next appointment. What's also interesting is that my dr is also a child psychologist, and I have a feeling she'll be watching me interact with my princesses in order to help me.

So while I'm not crazy or anything, I have issues LOL. But I knew that. Healthy bit of crazy, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

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