I really, really feel like somehow, this has to be my fault. I just don't understand what's going on with Juliana lately.
Lately, Juliana (6 1/2 yrs old) has some competition issues with Grace 4 1/2 yrs old). Grace is so laid back, especially since we're weaning her off of dairy (lactose intolerance causing learning delays & behavior issues mimicking Asperger's). Grace is your typical girlie girl frou frou princess type, and walks around with 4 lovies. In her world, all bunnies are pink and they talk to her. Juliana is imaginative too, but much more reality-based. She's VERY competetive, and has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder).
Anyway, she often will try to exclude Grace from activities. They share a room, and have for about a year now, due to Juliana asking to move Grace in there with her. She talks about how she doesn't like Grace, make disparaging remarks about her, and project her "bullying" of her sister onto Grace, as if it were GRACE bullying JULIANA. It's been very frustrating. The girls all know they are NOT allowed to insult or harm each other. Fighting happens, but they aren't ever to harm each other. This is difficult for Juliana, at least the part about refraining from hurting Grace's feelings is difficult.
So today, I had to take Grace to the pediatrician in one of Juliana's skirts (she wouldn't leave the house without it) because she had chewed up a puzzle piece into a spit ball, then shoved it up her nose. Long story short, the pedi couldn't get it out and we have to go to a specialist Monday morning to get the sucker out. I pick up Grace from preschool, she has her snack, Juliana comes home. The little ones are thrilled Juliana is home and follow her all over the house. I'm checking the fridge and from upstairs, I hear "Gracie! Stop following me! I need some time to myself! You're annoying!" OK, fine, she's only borderline with Grace, so I let it go for them to figure it out themselves.
Next thing I know, I hear Grace chattering happily, but Juliana very loudly "I SAID you're ANNOYING me!" thump thump thump ***gasp*** bump thump thump thump THUD. Juliana had pushed Grace down from the top of the stairs, where Grace landed on the landing that's halfway down, then apparently tried to get up but lost her bearing and fell own the other half the stairs. Flat on her little back. Big red goose-egg on her forehead. Juliana, at the top of the stairs, looked shocked, and immediately shouted "It was an accident!"
Within 20 minutes Grace calmed down, and has been pretty chipper. Juliana was immediately sent to her room while I checked Grace for a concussion and broken bones. She's fine, but will be sore later.
I go up to see Juliana and I was so upset, I was almost crying. I asked her what happened, and she tried to blame Grace. I informed her that no matter what happened, Grace didn't deserve to be pushed down the stairs. I told her Grace could have broken her bones and been very seriously hurt, or even died. I also told her that I don't know what her full punishment will be, but that when her father gets home, he'll be talking to her as well, and she is grounded in her room for the entire weekend. She's only to come out for the bathroom, meals when I call her for them, and my father's birthday party on Sunday. Of course, she thinks this is unfair, and cried "You don't love me any more!" even after I reassured her that I do, I'm just very disappointed. This happened almost an hour ago, and I'm still shaking. I was in tears when I called DH to tell him. I feel like we were very lucky we didn't lose Grace.
So here's my question. Grounding in this instance means she's not to leave her room for ANYTHING except what I stated above. No TV, no computer time, no outside time. No coloring. She can play only with what's already in her room, and she can read. She has her lovies on her bed. What else would be appropriate punishment?
Manny thinks we should transfer Juliana to the smaller bedroom, and put Anneliese and Grace into the big bed room to share, leaving Juliana alone. All the toys would stay in the big room, and only Juliana's stuff would go to the smaller room. I feel like that would be a reward, not a punishment, although Juliana did ask for Grace to share with her.