Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Take Back The Bytch

I'm a bitch, at least according to Grace. Yes, she did it AGAIN. This was the scened after dinner last night.

Gracie: chatting with her stuffed animal friends
Mommy: caught the word "bitch" in there. "What did you just say, honey?"
Gracie: "I said 'bitch.' It's a naughty word."
Mommy: gently takes Gracie by the hand with "Come with me into the kitchen, OK?"
Both: walk to the sink, as Mommy swipes index finger over the still-wet cap on the dishwashing liquid
Mommy: drags soapy finger across Gracie's tongue.
Gracie: Amazed and speechless
Juliana: acting like a cat that just can't keep itself from watching curiously, shocked blurts out "But MOMMY! WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!?"
Mommy: "When you say a dirty word, your mouth has to get washed out with soap."
Juliana: "Does it count if you just spell the word out?"
Mommy: "No, unless you're spelling the word out just so you're not technically saying the word."
Juliana: "Oh."
Gracie: "Eeeew! I not say bitch again. Dat soap is distustin." as she wipes her tongue on anything not nailed down, and spits repeatedly in the toilet.

Moments later...

Gracie: Talking to her animals again says "Hmmm, I wonder who would call my Mommy a bitch?" as she looks directly at me.
Mommy: Realizes that she's trying to find a loophole and the question, which is rhetorical, is actually her way of calling me a bitch.
Both: One our way back to the kitchen for another round of "wash the dirty mouth out with soap."
Gracie: "Ewwwww!"
Mommy: "So, are you going to call Mommy a bitch again?"
Gracie: "No, it's too distustin!"

So yes, my darling 4 yr old daughter has a sailor mouth. But I'm now resolved to take action and teach the lesson versus simply informing her that the words she's choosing aren't appropriate. She clearly knows the word is inappropriate for a 4 yr old, and is choosing to be disrespectful. I know I said I want her to use more words, but bitch isn't one of them. I know Juliana probably thinks it, but she's at least not vocalizing it. Saying words that she knows are "naughty" is so distasteful to her that it's like it's physically hurtful to her.

Case in point. Before dinner, there were coloring pages strewn all over the dining room floor and there was a sea of Barbie dolls on the dining room table. I asked her to first clean up the dolls so that we'd have room at the table to eat dinner, then later asked her to pick up all the papers and toys on the floor, and put them in a toy box. She gave me lip over it, telling me how hard and boring it was, and that she didn't feel like cleaning up the mess. I asked her if that's what she tells her teachers at school when they tell her it's time to clean up. "No, Mommy, I clean up my mess at school." "Well then honey, why would you show that respect to your teachers, but not to me?" "Because I LIKE my teachers."


Now, I realize that my daughters aren't the only ones that think I'm a bitch. When an adult believes it, I've decided to take it as a compliment. I'm taking back the word Bitch. I used to be a lot more meek and let people walk all over me. The way I grew up, and then working in retail, it was just normal to let anyone call me whatever they wanted and hold my tongue in place. But now that I'm a certified adult and I have daughters, I realize that I can't be that way any longer. I will stand up for myself and my husband and my children, and if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I'm generally a really nice, generous, caring person, but I no longer have a love of being so nice that people take me for being weak willed and meek. I voice my opinions without apology, sometimes bluntly, but always clear on my stance. I'm still nice, but I'm not a doormat. I still don't like confrontation or fighting, but I will be confrontational when I need to be. I back my opinions up with sound reasoning, and while I will keep an open mind and listen to other's opinions and justifications the same way I expect other people to do the same for me, I stand firmly when I know I'm right.

And that, my friends, means that I hear the word "bitch" uttered under the breath more often. And I think "YES! I've taken back a word that's intended to be hurtful and insulting and turned it into something powerful in my favor.

Meredith Brooks

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I
can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an
angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been
relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled
into one
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm
your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any
other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a
stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a


Just when you think, you got me figured out
season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
don't try to save me


I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a
goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
know I wouldn't want it any other way

1 comment:

Resa said...

I have always been a quiet shy person letting people walk all over me, but I tell you after getting through nursing school and having a child, I have and can very well be a bitch sometimes and I'm proud of it. ;) It's amazing what a little or a lot of life experience can do for you. Don't mess with my kid, husband, or my patients that I take care of. :)

Thanks for the comment on my blog. I haven't ever been diagnosed with SAD but I do believe I have it. I've have a totally different state of mind once it starts getting warmer and the sun is shining more. I'm hoping to get myself to a point that I realize this is going to happen and work on it/prepare for it a little better. If next winter is as bad as this one was I'm thinkin' I need to talk to my doctor about it. Thanks for sharing your experience with me. :)